Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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