I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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