Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
