alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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