R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
