I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
