where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
