I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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