i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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