Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She bit a glass in half.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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