i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
