i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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