You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
