My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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