I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
