He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
