My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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