the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
