Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
