we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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