Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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