I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
3 2 1 whiskey
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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