god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have so many feelings about this burrito
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize