i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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