sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
