We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
