Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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