ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
