I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
