apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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