What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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