im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
