So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
