Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
