I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
