DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
