Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
