I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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