so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
