Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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