She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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