he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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