So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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