We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
