Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
