K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
