bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize