My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
