we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
