So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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