I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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