woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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