he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
