I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
