I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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