wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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