Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize