but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
