and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
