It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
