whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
