I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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