i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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