I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
