im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
