I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
