dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize