U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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