he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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