True but thats because hes a fetus.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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