Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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