Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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