Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
