I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
